Inviting in softness
Positive reframes, mothering & oracle decks
Axel is stuck like glue on me at the moment. The poor thing has his first cold and cough. It’s full-on flu and rainy season here in Siargao. It’s dark outside from the overcast clouds and as I look out the window, the rain is falling.
I’ve currently got poop on my shorts, my neck is as stiff as a brick, and I’m feeling quite tired from hours of pacing the house with Axel on my hip. But while my back is aching, I’m also sat on some very comfy pillows. I’m listening to soft jazz with an incense stick burning, and Axel is finally asleep in his crib. The main lights in the house are all off (since they’re fluorescent bright) and I’ve got some small lamps switched on, creating this soft warm glow inside. It makes for a very cozy setup.
To me, the best thing about the rain is the coziness it creates. It’s softer than the bright, burning sun. The rain and clouds encourage us to soften along with it. Put on some tender tunes, a fluffy jumper, perhaps we’re snuggled in a nook reading our favourite book, burning some candles. We overall, tend to be more gentle on ourselves.
If you’re reading this from Europe, you know all about that cozy feeling in the gray, cold winter. It feels right having a bit of our own version of ‘winter’ over here.
In a little less than three weeks we are all going to be celebrating Christmas. We’ll get to be ultra cozy with our closest friends and family. Since Seb and my family live in different parts of the world, we have an ‘every other Christmas’ policy. Which means this year we will be celebrating with the de Zoeten family and next year we’ll be back with the Oreels for Christmas and New Years. We have gotten lucky the last few years, and somehow managed to all be together during Christmas anyway. Last year we were all in Manila because Seb and I were getting married. The year before that I think we were all in Holland at the same time. So this will be the first time in a while we won’t be with my parents and sisters for Christmas. I’ll really miss them, but I’m happy they get to all be together in Holland. Cozy, cozy…
In about 2 weeks Axel is going to be 6 months old, which also means I’ll have been a mum for 6 months. Wild. Certain aspects of having a baby at this stage, are less intense than they were when he was a newborn, but there are always new things that come to join the party. At the moment he’s sick for the first time, and I’ve actually surprised myself by how chill I am. One of my mama friends said it really nicely; when the babies are sick, they’re building their immune systems. Which is absolutely true, and necessary for them to grow stronger. A positive reframe that doesn’t make you look at your baby being sick as a ‘bad’ thing, but as a natural part of growing up.
There are more aspects of myself and life at the moment I’ve been trying to put a positive reframe on. To hold myself and my life with softer hands. Not forceful, but loving. A gentle caress. I’ve noticed that channeling a gentle and soft energy towards myself is not something that comes very naturally. I have high standards of myself, higher than I would ever hold anyone else to. Although I could probably also do with lowering the standards and expectations I place on other people.
A very special individual, I’ll call her my friend A for privacy purposes. She shared a ritual with me this week. It was at the Om Fest. I talked about it in my last Substack. My spiritual guide was there, and she was offering rituals and aura clearings. It’s hard to explain exactly what she did with me, but when I left her room that day I felt so good. She’s a mom herself, so she’s gone through this phase of early motherhood too.
She asked me to get comfortable, so I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes. She started speaking all this wisdom. Jumbled words and phrases that were all connected and made so much sense to my soul, but was hard to repeat in words afterwards. I let her messages sink in as I lay there, trying to soften my tense muscles. Trying to relax and not overthink, to just be present in that moment and let the magic happen. I felt a part of me open up that day. I said goodbye to some parts that were no longer needed and were holding me back. It felt like I cracked open and the light was able to start shining through again.
She helped me truly connect to that knowing that I can be wild, free and beautiful. That I have everything I need here. These types of special individuals are roaming Siargao, in arms reach. I know I am here for a higher purpose.
Shortly after I finished my session with her, I had a thought that perhaps the Universe sent me here to slow down. To learn how to be okay with not doing so much, all the time. To be okay when the main task for the day is to be a mother to Axel. Sitting at home, pacing, reading, cooking, cleaning, whatever it is that the day brings. Not even sitting at home, but wondering the beach, lying under the palm trees, spending hours on a blanket with Axel and a journal. That’s more than enough. I am still enough and worthy when being a mother is my sole purpose.
Think about it. Being a mother means you are raising the next generation of human beings on this planet. Our world is made up of interactions between humans. I have the power to be a mother that emanates love, presence, understanding, patience (see what I’m saying about those high standards?).
Yesterday evening I was having a particularly hard time. Axel had been crying non-stop from not feeling so well, and I was feeling exhausted. Seb was coming home later than usual because he was out at the bridge promoting BS, and I just needed some support. I took out my oracle deck ‘The Divine Feminine’, shuffled the cards in my hands, pouring my heart into the cards and asking for guidance. I spread the cards out on the table. With my left hand on my heart, eyes closed, I hovered my right hand over the splayed out deck. At the point where I felt some heat, a knowing came through that that was the card for me (don’t overthink it, just go for what feels right) and so I picked up Fatimah, The Mother of Imams. Here’s a part of what it said:
“When your soul selects her card: We can get caught up in the ego’s idea of who we need to become or of what we need to achieve. Fatimah is the grace that sweeps through our seemingly complex lives and reminds us of what’s core, what’s solid earth to the soul: family–even if family means a few beloved friends. [...] Nurturing, protecting, and taking care of the ones we love is a sacred occupation. [...] The role of housewife or of stay-at-home mom is sacred if it’s consciously chosen. It is a profound contribution to raise and reconstitute the world. There is a legacy of love that can be inherited by the whole family from such undivided attention and presence. Fatima restores the significance and importance to the spiritual path of motherhood.”
Wow. A smile on my lips while reading. Tears forming in my eyes. A lot of gratitude and thanks for the guidance that was offered to me when I asked for it in a really tough moment. The little book that comes with the deck, ends with saying:
“She offers the perspective that says love is the family we all belong to, and gratitude is the state of wealth we get to live in.”
Stunning. Talk about a positive reframe.
Here’s the deck in case you are curious: https://www.megganwatterson.com/the-divine-feminine-oracle
That reminds me that there was also an oracle deck present when I sat with my friend A. She asked me to pull 3 cards that day. One for my past, one for my present, and one for my future. I don’t remember the wording exactly of what I pulled, but it was something like:
Past: ‘Rest and receive’
Fitting, since I’ve spent the last year being pregnant and in the postpartum phase. Heavy and slow. Cocooning within my own safe haven with Seb and close family and friends only.
Present: ‘A magical place’
Here I am. In Siargao. A magical place, if only I let myself see it and feel it. This magical place does not have to be left to fantasy, it can be real. It can be all of our realities.
Future: ‘Woman with her owl’
The deck reads about being a steward for social change. Supporting those that don’t have a voice and giving them a platform. Going against the bigger powers, that although may be easier, is not the right way forward.
Very interesting indeed…
In case all of this is making you want to delve a little deeper into understanding yourself and reading more pinpointed information on who you are as a person, check out The Pattern app: https://www.thepattern.com/. I was just reminded of it by my friend A, and I was introduced to it by one of my good friends in Amsterdam—V, last year. It’s honestly so spot on, it freaks me out. If you do end up downloading the app and filling in your info, add me as a friend so we can see how we connect as people in the crazy world!
I love you. Sending you soft, pure, gentle, love.
Until next week,
Pilar
Beautiful Pilartje. So happy you are in peace. The photo tells it all. Love you. Haiti